Lunariat

 I am struggling right now to make a post. What even is this thing? A blog? A virtual journal? A poetry space...? No idea. No idea at all. I used to think alienation is just part of a philosophical school of thought, or some outlook you develop after being heavily inspired by Camus or some dude you're ought to say their name in their native accent. You know, just to earn the club's approval. Turns out, life is alienating on its own; not because you're isolated and have nobody to connect to, but the things you see taking place are too bizzare to fit into your perception and for you to process them as real. I don't know, I am not planning to make a smart entry. I haven't been feeling so smart lately. I just allowed blankness take the most out of my mind, for good or bad cause. I don't feel the urge to share what I've been doing in my life lately. I like to think some incredible things happened, or maybe I just met some incredible people.  I've mainly been

I bear my pain... my loneliness and suffering  my dissatisfaction... while going to the war within I take my wounds and bleeding.. my restlessness and angst... Strenuously, but not in vain. My imprisoned mind is my eternal nest, until I hear you're free.. My misery is my avid companion until they hear your plea... My pain will continue to stab my chest Until your children shed no scarring tear... I will stay wired to the fog sieging my brain, like the fence they confined your breathing kingdom with. I don't own the treasury to buy the intruders out of your land I don't have the arm to shield you from their missiles But I have my Being and my all I realize now I have already gone to war for you My suffering made no sense The stale bounty of the world thrown in vain If the watching world has not yet come to the rescue know that life has already stopped outside of your soil Untill you're free, Palestine.    

It feels scary and unwelcoming I haven't been here in so long do I dare to face the blankness?  I am staring at it, so feverishly  do I still have what I don't know if I ever had? where was I? did I run away or detach? I couldn't run away  I couldn't hide not because she won't let me hide  but there are spots and little corners where I can hide made by her so everywhere I go, is just another passageway  It's a blank paper's maze It's a blank paper's world  

 It's been almost a year since I last made a post. It's a combination of many things as to why I went MIA from this blog. Not much to be shared but between growing conscious of how much I post online and failing to detach from certain personal encounters that inspired a couple of my previous posts, I felt compelled to take some time off and even contemplated shutting the whole thing down. I didn't and shouldn't do it! I have a history of shutting down a precious blog earlier and I am not to repeat the same reaction. No more letting external events intervene in the fate of my personal spaces; though I must mention, this is still a publicly accessible territory and I intend to only pour splashes of the personal onto it; the rest can be anything other than reflective of my "reality"- what I stand for and go through-. Unless I verbally emphasize my self-involvement in the subject, your attempt to pigeonhole me is purely speculative and perhaps even projective of y

  Do you want to make me or break me? The million flesh-ravenous faces you show me To spark a flame around my fist My crude fist of dawn when blood hasn’t yet boiled to let me see with clarity if you want to make me or break me The bulging surges that swirl around you entice the child   over the adult at times and you become just a game of fun No winning or losing, no lesson learned or man-crafting & at times, the wise unravels the absurd You make life lessons be drawing a smile over my face In awe; do you want to make me or break me? Just like life you are solid, muscle-wounding and bone-breaking As many faces you mirror, primitive tears fell down Testing courage and disparaging strength Affirming one last ground Never trust a rebound of your own made For the most menacing opponent of self is oneself Then again, what do I know? I’m just a child chasing salience Thinking in a fatigued soul’s words Before I embody the fresh energy of life

Yes you....I am thinking of you  what else would it be?  It is spring again, my favorite season but not my favorite time The flowers are blooming  the maple is finally green I yearned for this time all the chemistry is tuned but the mind is still restless The maple shouldn't have gone green she looked the most alluring  just like your delicate existence  'out of sight, out of mind' you dwelled in mine with your absence your prudence that crushed a dream though kept the warmth alive it kept me alive The maple shouldn't have gone green the fire orange, crowned the chocolate grey trunk with a portentously gloomy setting heralding that darkness can be charming and neat just like you you will never be mine I have no picture of the maple, but her reflection is beaming in my eyes just like the idea of you is engraved in my running florescence Thank you for giving me something to long for you are too sensible and I am too fearful & running through spring  so I can see the m