Where was I? Where are you?

 I am struggling right now to make a post. What even is this thing? A blog? A virtual journal? A poetry space...? No idea. No idea at all. I used to think alienation is just part of a philosophical school of thought, or some outlook you develop after being heavily inspired by Camus or some dude you're ought to say their name in their native accent. You know, just to earn the club's approval. Turns out, life is alienating on its own; not because you're isolated and have nobody to connect to, but the things you see taking place are too bizzare to fit into your perception and for you to process them as real. I don't know, I am not planning to make a smart entry. I haven't been feeling so smart lately. I just allowed blankness take the most out of my mind, for good or bad cause. I don't feel the urge to share what I've been doing in my life lately. I like to think some incredible things happened, or maybe I just met some incredible people. 

I've mainly been interested in actions, actions alone. Complex thoughts and ideas seem too lethargic right now, especially when they've shown themselves unreliable to save lives, millions of lives. I teach people grammar so I can mess it up on here, just to be free may be. This is turning into a stream. But how can anybody feel smart after all of the lives we were too helpless to save? What good does being smart bring when we're too helpless to save our own lives. I am not estranged by death, it's something we've always known. Or wait, lemme rephrase that: I am not estranged by the 'idea' of death! We've heard and seen it countless of times. However, I am estranged by the scenes of enabling intentional and planned infliction of harm and destruction on an entire population and its continuous course. Whatever I may say about the latter onwards will be an act of reiteration, for me at least. I've seen, read and talked too much for the past 6 months that made me see how useless a plethora of things I used to care about. Maybe much of it is valuable still by virtue, just not on the real world. The real world only operates with power, manmade power. The kind that was not invented to benefit and push on humanity; instead, to divide it and empower users and abusers. All that humanism, for the rule of the jungle to prevail. I am probably being unfair to the rule of the jungle, because as fierce and aggressive it can be, at least it does not favor certain creatures for their manufactured violence. 

Please permit me to pause for a moment. 

Speaking to my brain, sorry. 

Again, this isn't a smart post, because being smart didn't save lives.